Monday, April 26

stop growing, would ya?

I've never been a full time mom. Of course I'm always a mom... but that role has always been shared with other titles & responsibilities. 

I was a senior in high school when I gave birth to my first born. 
After graduation I immediately enrolled in community college. 
I worked as a waitress while I went to school. 
College didn't work out. After two years of general studies and no idea of what I wanted to do with my life I realized I was wasting my time. 
So I got a job at the best gig in town. A major credit card company. I was a bill collector.  
Money was great... much better than the weekend tips I was receiving before. 
After some time I got overly zealous about a network marketing job & quit the good gig to make hundreds of thousands of dollars every year selling legal insurance plans... so I thought anyway.  

No over night millionaire here. 

I did love the feel of the heels, suits & sales pitches though. It was empowering. I had a huge desire to be a powerful business woman. a fast talking, multi-tasking, order giving, business lady.. in heels, of course. 
Independent sales ended up not working out quite like I envisioned. 

It wasn't long until I was able to get a job at my church. I was grateful for that. I had many roles there until I went on to work another sales job. Then I worked yet another sales job. The "business world" glitz and glamour had worn completely off by that point. 

Yuck. I hate sales. 

Now, nursing school.  

I also help Stephen with the young adults ministry. I love it. It's a rewarding role & one that I know God has given us grace for. I love me some YAMers. It's always good times in the making, for sure. 
It's fulfilling & I love the relationships we are building. 

I don't consider it a "job", but it is work and a lot of responsibility.  

You know what I've never had though...

I've never had the role of just "mom". I wonder what that feels like. 
I wonder what it feels like to just be a mom. That "just" is a good "just". I know being a mom is never "just" being a mom. Being a mom is such a multi-faceted job in itself. 

I do wonder what it's like to wear only the mommy/ home-maker hat though. 

No morning rush hour traffic, no submission deadlines, no pressure to read 5 chapters before the big exam on Friday, no event advertising, no note-card studying, no event planning meetings. 

None of that. Just me, being a mom... 

I am certainly not complaining. I'm just wondering...

I know I am where God has me for now. 

The point of all of this is only to say that I've just been thinking a lot lately about how fast the girls are growing. I hate the thought that they are only little for such a small amount of time. I am starting to "hear" & take notice when people tell me... "take advantage of it when they are young, because they grow up so fast". And boy, do they! 

It makes me sad some days. Today is one of those days. 

Thursday, April 22

praying for mom

mom is really funny when she's in the hospital on those heavy hospital meds. She says funny things. We sit together in her hospital bed, hold hands & laugh at each other. She was admitted on Wednesday due to abdomen pain. This is the second time in the past couple of months, but she has had the pain now for several months.

We are praying for answers. The docs don't seem to know what is going on. The Lord does though & I know everything is going to be fine. I'm frustrated at the lack of concern & consideration from the docs though. So quick to prescribe a med then to get to the bottom of the problem. Mom is eager to get to the root of the problem... not just cover up the symptoms.

Mom's hospital roommate had a breast removed due to cancer. I didn't realize they still did that. She opted the removal over chemo. Madison was completely fascinated with this & asked the male nurse if the doctors were sure they had removed all of the cancer & if she would be able to get an implant replacement. Mom & I just looked at each other with wide eyes. She's been asking "whys" & "how comes" ever since she was teeny tiny. Once when she was 5 she was staring out the car window up at the sky & asked me "mama, how does the world work". She's always wondering.

Olivia doesn't like seeing mom in the hospital. It worries her. I ensured them both today that she was going to be ok.

Please say a prayer for mom. We just need to know what is causing the pain.

Wednesday, April 7

a little love for my neglected blog

I miss blogging.

Life is so busy.

I have found time for my new obsession hobby. I have a nice little garden going. I'm determined to not be my typical plant killing self. So far I've killed 2 batches of seedlings a 2 huge clumps of cilantro mom dug up for me out of her garden.. Oh, & some pretty tulips I bought at Lowe's. Note to self... fertilizer burns new baby seeds & so does scorching hot sunlight. They say 3rd times a charm. We shall see.

3 weeks & I have no school for 3 whole months. How exciting.

This semester is going well. Way more intense than last semester though. I'm pretty sure my Ethics professor is a crazed maniac with way too much time on his hands. That's been a little weird. There is hope though...the weight of constantly feeling like I need to be studying is almost over for a brief bit. That will be refreshing.

I also get to fly to Florida at the beginning of May, directly after my finals to see my bud Drea graduate from nursing school. That will be an inspirational & a joyous occasion. Can't wait to see my friend. I miss her like crazy.

Also traveling to El Salvador this summer. Madison is going to Mexico. 2 mission trips to pay for...

I forgot to mention... I'm also knee deep in fundraising.

Life is good though.

In other random news. I've been in touch with my real father. I may be able to see him this summer. Haven't seen him since I was 13.

Oh, and I'm considering dreadlocks for myself. Crazy huh?

My neglected blog will get much more love soon as can be.

I miss you blog buds!
Happy Belated Resurrection Sunday (8 years since I made Jesus my Lord... best decision ever!)