stop growing, would ya?

I've never been a full time mom. Of course I'm always a mom... but that role has always been shared with other titles & responsibilities.  I was a senior in high school when I gave birth to my first born.  After graduation I immediately enrolled in community college.  I worked as a waitress while I went to school.  College didn't work out. After two years of general studies and no idea of what I wanted to do with my life I realized I was wasting my time.  So I got a job at the best gig in town. A major credit card company. I was a bill collector.   Money was great... much better than the weekend tips I was receiving before.  After some time I got overly zealous about a network marketing job & quit the good gig to make hundreds of thousands of dollars every year selling legal insurance plans... so I thought anyway.   No over night millionaire here.  I did love the feel of the heels, suits & sales pitches though. It was empowering. I had a huge desire to be a powerful business woman. a fast talking, multi-tasking, order giving, business lady.. in heels, of course.  Independent sales ended up not working out quite like I envisioned.  It wasn't long until I was able to get a job at my church. I was grateful for that. I had many roles there until I went on to work another sales job. Then I worked yet another sales job. The "business world" glitz and glamour had worn completely off by that point.  Yuck. I hate sales.  Now, nursing school.   I also help Stephen with the young adults ministry. I love it. It's a rewarding role & one that I know God has given us grace for. I love me some YAMers. It's always good times in the making, for sure.  It's fulfilling & I love the relationships we are building.  I don't consider it a "job", but it is work and a lot of responsibility.   You know what I've never had though... I've never had the role of just "mom". I wonder what that feels like.  I wonder what it feels like to just be a mom. That "just" is a good "just". I know being a mom is never "just" being a mom. Being a mom is such a multi-faceted job in itself.  I do wonder what it's like to wear only the mommy/ home-maker hat though.  No morning rush hour traffic, no submission deadlines, no pressure to read 5 chapters before the big exam on Friday, no event advertising, no note-card studying, no event planning meetings.  None of that. Just me, being a mom...  I am certainly not complaining. I'm just wondering...

I know I am where God has me for now. 

The point of all of this is only to say that I've just been thinking a lot lately about how fast the girls are growing. I hate the thought that they are only little for such a small amount of time. I am starting to "hear" & take notice when people tell me... "take advantage of it when they are young, because they grow up so fast". And boy, do they! 

It makes me sad some days. Today is one of those days. 

praying for mom

mom is really funny when she's in the hospital on those heavy hospital meds. She says funny things. We sit together in her hospital bed, hold hands & laugh at each other. She was admitted on Wednesday due to abdomen pain. This is the second time in the past couple of months, but she has had the pain now for several months.

We are praying for answers. The docs don't seem to know what is going on. The Lord does though & I know everything is going to be fine. I'm frustrated at the lack of concern & consideration from the docs though. So quick to prescribe a med then to get to the bottom of the problem. Mom is eager to get to the root of the problem... not just cover up the symptoms.

Mom's hospital roommate had a breast removed due to cancer. I didn't realize they still did that. She opted the removal over chemo. Madison was completely fascinated with this & asked the male nurse if the doctors were sure they had removed all of the cancer & if she would be able to get an implant replacement. Mom & I just looked at each other with wide eyes. She's been asking "whys" & "how comes" ever since she was teeny tiny. Once when she was 5 she was staring out the car window up at the sky & asked me "mama, how does the world work". She's always wondering.

Olivia doesn't like seeing mom in the hospital. It worries her. I ensured them both today that she was going to be ok.

Please say a prayer for mom. We just need to know what is causing the pain.

a little love for my neglected blog

I miss blogging.

Life is so busy.

I have found time for my new obsession hobby. I have a nice little garden going. I'm determined to not be my typical plant killing self. So far I've killed 2 batches of seedlings a 2 huge clumps of cilantro mom dug up for me out of her garden.. Oh, & some pretty tulips I bought at Lowe's. Note to self... fertilizer burns new baby seeds & so does scorching hot sunlight. They say 3rd times a charm. We shall see.

3 weeks & I have no school for 3 whole months. How exciting.

This semester is going well. Way more intense than last semester though. I'm pretty sure my Ethics professor is a crazed maniac with way too much time on his hands. That's been a little weird. There is hope though...the weight of constantly feeling like I need to be studying is almost over for a brief bit. That will be refreshing.

I also get to fly to Florida at the beginning of May, directly after my finals to see my bud Drea graduate from nursing school. That will be an inspirational & a joyous occasion. Can't wait to see my friend. I miss her like crazy.

Also traveling to El Salvador this summer. Madison is going to Mexico. 2 mission trips to pay for...

I forgot to mention... I'm also knee deep in fundraising.

Life is good though.

In other random news. I've been in touch with my real father. I may be able to see him this summer. Haven't seen him since I was 13.

Oh, and I'm considering dreadlocks for myself. Crazy huh?

My neglected blog will get much more love soon as can be.

I miss you blog buds!

Happy Belated Resurrection Sunday (8 years since I made Jesus my Lord... best decision ever!)

smitten

we are smitten with God's love. 

God is smitten with our love. 

God is love. love never fails. 

love, love. love. love. love... i love love. you can love love, right? 

i do. love love, that is. 

smitten: a heavy blow, affect sharply with great feeling. 

i was struck by His love so powerfully that it knocked me right off my feet. i have been swept off my feet.

He's a God like that... a sweep you off your feet kind of loving God. 

sacrificial love 

the Roman empire ruled the world that Jesus was born into. a world without love... 

-infanticides (newborn killings) were a norm (because of poverty, human sacrifice, burdensome) 

-children abandonment (wild packs of children would roam the streets... not uncommon. These were the children most likely that Jesus said... let the little children come to me. they were outcasts, unwanted and unloved. that was normal) 

-sick & elderly were left in the elements to die (normal and very common) 

- none of the Roman gods or goddess were portrayed as having compassion or sympathy. 

-entertainment was watching people kill each other in the coliseums

this was the world that Jesus lived in. this was the world the early church had to live in. 

the love that the early church displayed completely revolutionized the world (literally) 

love isn't always convenient and some times it's not even comfortable. 

Jesus said to His disciples.... "by this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (john 13:35)  

it's our heritage. it's who we are. the birth of christianity.

if we want to change the world... it starts with us. one sacrificial act of love at a time!!! 

Acquire the Fire was amazing. I took Madison & we had a great time. It's a youth conference. Madison loved it & I got a lot from it too. It got snowed out half way through. bad news. the good news is that we get free admission into 2 other upcoming conferences. we're excited. 

my parents had to come in Big Red (my dad's big ol' truck) to get us. It was quite the adventure. i forgot to get gas on the way down so we couldn't keep the car on for very long. we ended up sitting in the cold for about an hour. when my parents got there I had them follow me to my schools parking deck (right around the corner) because the deck I was in was pay per hour.... just to get around the corner & realize my school deck was closed. no way I was making it onto the interstate or off that particular road for that matter. Hercules (my dad) some how parallel parked my car in a cozy little spot downtown. He was slipping and sliding all over the placed. He finally had enough, got out & physically pushed the rear end into place... hence the nickname Hercules. 

SO my car is currently in the city, with no gas. poor little thing... & no doubt completely piled with snow from all of the street plowers. 

Thankfully school is closed tomorrow (for me & the girls). I will head down there some time this week with my shovel & gas can.... good times.

Acquire the Fire... fantastic times. 

This was a shot I took on the way home in big red. this was the interstate. i lost count of how many vehicles were in the ditch. we don't get much snow so when we do... this is what happens. 

2010 Photo Journal- Week 4

Week 4

day 22

me in va

busy night at the movies

more fun with shutter speed

drea in fl

A snuggly morning

Taken because it was a wet and foggy morning. So we were hanging in our jammies watching the Disney channel.

day 24

me in va

tiny baby bottles

taken at my cousin's baby shower

drea in fl

Oh my chocolate

Taken because Ethan was tearing into a chocolate doughnut like he was expecting to find money in the middle. LOL.

day 24

me in va

toofers

I had my nose in the books ALL day except for church. I submitted my 1st ethics exam this day. This sweet little thing kept crawling up on the kitchen chair to say hello.

drea in fl

Mi amore

Taken on our trip to Manatee Park. Enjoying our family day together before he had to go back to Sarasota.

day 25

me in va

split peas

made split pea soup for dinner

mmm

drea in fl

Moseying along

Taken because this old man was adorable and he is obviously wise enough to take his time and enjoy his stroll.

day 26

me in va

buttons and thread 

one of my goals this year is to learn how to sew (the right way)

drea in fl

The chime of time

Taken at Edison State College because this clock tower chimes the coolest songs, including Jimmy Buffet. This always puts a smile on my face, amidst a stressful school day.

day 27

me in va

Liv and the clothespin girl 

olivia made this for her missionettes teacher at church

drea in fl

Gumption

Taken because this man is 100 years old, yet he has the gumption to row that boat around the lake every single day.

day 28

me in va

we took a stroll to the playground

drea in fl

Rugged athlete

Taken while Ethan was kicking around a giant soccer ball like a little pro, and so serious too.


see all 2010 Photo journal posts here 

no boys for this little girl

Olivia: mommy, guess what two boys in my class told me today!

Me: What babe? 

Olivia: They both said they L-I-K-E-D me. 

Me: Really? What do you think about that? 

Olivia: I think I don't like it. 

Me: Why not? 

Olivia: Because I am not allowed to have a boyfriend. That's what I told them. I think you should have a chat with their mommies. 

That's my girl. 

2010 Photo Journal- Weeks 1-3

back to blogging :) YAY. The past 3 weeks have been great. We have some exciting stuff coming up this year... but I'm sure I'll be blogging about that soon. For now I have LOTS of pictures to share.

Inspired by this I decided to join the Project 365 challenge. 1 photo a day everyday for 365 days. Fun huh? One of my goals this year is to become a better photographer. Practice makes perfect, right?

Inspired by this I decided to do the challenge with my friend in Florida. I miss her so much. We thought this would be a great way to stay connected. We've been sharing our photos through email & I do feel closer to her. It's nice pretending we don't have about 1,000 miles between us.

I'll share my photos daily (or as daily as possible) on my Flickr stream & she is sharing hers daily on her Facebook page. I'll post ours together here weekly.

Meet Drea:

"I'm a pretty busy person. I'm married and have two great kids, both are boys. So I've got my hands full there. I live about 10 minutes from the beach in south Florida and LOVE IT!! The flip side to that is I'm so busy with work and school that I rarely get to go. But that will change soon when I graduate. I was a real estate appraiser for 6 years and one day realized that I belonged in nursing. God put some great opportunities together for me and I haven't hesitated for a second.

I love my life, my family and my friends. I also love Jesus. He saved my life. I've been through a lot of horrible stuff that could have ended things for me, but instead of letting go I called on Jesus. He is my rock, my strength, my Lord and my very best friend. I can't even describe how He has changed my life."

Here's what we've been up to the last 3 weeks....

week 1

day 1

me in va

wii boxing

I didn't actually decide to start until the 2nd, but thankfully I did get this on Maddy's new point & shoot. One of her teachers had us over for dinner on New Years Day. Stephen packed up the Wii. Mr. Green kept saying... "this is stupid, completely pointless. why do people even waste their time paying this." We could tell he was loving it though.

drea in fl

Exploring new oceans

taken to remind myself that in order to explore new oceans I can't look back at the shore."

day 2

me in va

yoda, reece/ reece, yoda

nice to meet you

we were at Target

drea in fl

There once was a crab

Taken because I'm learning about manual aperture and shutter speed settings.

day 3

me in va

cheapest diffuser ever

1st thing on my "things to buy for camera" list... an external flash. This thing is a beast.

drea in fl

Holding on to innocence

Taken because he rarely sits still long enough to get precious shots like this.

day 4

me in va

prepping

for my new wall collage. pic of the wall on day 12.

drea in fl

Laundry, oh Laundry!

Taken because it was a laundry day....a major laundry day.

day 5

me in va

sending a surprise

I popped a "just because I love & miss you bunches" present in the mail to Drea

drea in fl

Heavy load of anticipation

Taken because it's the beginning of a new year and I was thinking about everything I needed to accomplish.

day 6

me in va

YAM planning

drea in fl

Cold cold condensation

Taken because it was very cold outside and Ethan and I spent the day cooped up in the house.

day 7

me in va

vintage lovelies

out thrifting with mom

drea in fl

Epic battle

Taken because Mitchell and I are constantly battling over rights to my desk chair (a.k.a. my throne).

week 2

day 8

me in va

El Salvador Interest

YAM Interest Meeting for 2010 El Salvador missions trip

drea in fl

Matters of the heart

Taken because I have started the cardiac segment of Adult II nursing. I love the cardiac system. It is my favorite, and this is the continuation of a passion.

day 9

me in va

free blanket rides

drea in fl

The home stretch

Taken after my first clinical day of Adult II, my last semester of nursing school.

day 10

me in va

milk goggles

drea in fl

Young warrior

Taken because Owen's name means "young warrior" and that's exactly what he is.

day 11

me in va

back to it

back to the snooze button, rush hour traffic, flash-card making, all the time studying, pre-requ fun.....

leaving the parking deck

drea in fl

Special delivery

Taken because Ethan looked so cute in that little box and I'm loving how to edit with photoshop elements.

day 12

me in va

the eclectic wall

my latest home project... finito

drea in fl

Constructing adventure

Taken because Owen absolutely loves his legos. Especially building "Star Wars" space ships. This is my first experiment with shooting a close shot with a wide angle setting.

day 13

me in va

dissatisfied

she was not diggin' dinner

drea in fl

Good morning Lord

Taken because He blessed me with this beautiful sunrise this morning and because He is so good.

day 14

me in va

you don't scare me mr. lion

I saw him when I was out & about on this day. actually he was at the end of a driveway. there were cars in the driveway too... i bet they are still wondering who the weird girl was taking pictures of their stone lion out in front of their house.

drea in fl

Dat's my hat

Taken because Ethan refuses to get rid of this crumpled up party hat from New Year's eve and it's just too cute.

week 3

day 15

me in va

peekaboo sunshine

on the way to class... I pulled over on the interstate to get it.

drea in fl

Little iron chef

Taken because Ethan always wants to "help" cook dinner, and this was how he chose to help tonight. LOL

day 16

me in va

fun with shutter speed

maddy was such a good sport. I dare to say she even enjoyed this shoot. I just love my little lady!

drea in fl

Best brothers

Taken at Lakes Park while these two had a ball on the giant inflatable slide.

day 17

me in va

untitled

Olivia's little bud spent the night. this was taken before church.

drea in fl

Deep in thought

Taken because Ethan looked like he was trying to solve a college calculus problem.

day 18

me in va

big, just like mama

drea in fl

The escape route

Taken to fulfill a deal..."I'll buy tickets for you to play on the slide, if you promise to cooperate for some picture taking". LOL

day 19

me in va

bubbly babe

drea in fl

Alphabetology

Taken because I was using this puzzle to teach Ethan the alphabet. Hence, the title. Meaning, the study of alphabet.

day 20

me in va

a puppy & a pigtail

my girlfriend's daughter.

drea in fl

The shadow of your wings

Taken because this reminded me that no matter the circumstance, I am safe under the shadow of God's wings.

day 21

me in va

bath-time reflections

drea in fl

Come rest here

Taken because Americans need to be seeking after God, not just expecting to receive from Him.