my little world changer

Madison participated in her youth group's 30 hours of famine tonight. It's a World Vision thing & will continue through the weekend. They are fasting & praying for the poverty of this world.

They watched some intense videos & then went to our city’s homeless area to pray for our city's poverty. 

She came home talking a mile a minute.

Next week she will experience this world’s poverty first hand. The world’s poverty is like no one can explain. You may see images on TV or hear stories about the 3^rd world… but until you experience it firsthand you simply can’t fathom the depth of it.

Madison came home tonight with a passion in her eye and tangible goals to make a difference in this countries poverty situation... My 12 year old little girl.

Next Saturday she will head to the airport and depart on a plane headed to a place where she knows no one. To a place she has never been. She is simply headed out on faith that God will use her to make a difference.

People may ask (& they have)… How I could send my daughter off on such a trip? My answer: This is her passion. A purpose in it for her. There has been a fire lit within her from the day she heard about the trip. She knew it was  a trip she was supposed to take.

Who am I to stop this passion?  There is a desire within her to change her world. How dare I intervene? How can I teach her to make a difference with one random act of kindness at a time & then prevent her from fulfilling her heart’s desire to touch her world for Jesus?

I can’t teach her to follow her dreams & then hinder her & fill her with fear... preventing her from from following those dreams when they present themselves. 

Tonight I saw within her an all too familiar disgust for injustice & I also see her heart ache due to the lack of compassion she sees. 

I look into her eyes & I see a world changer. A history maker. 

This trip is going to change the lives of others in Matamoros Mexico… and ultimately I know... it’s going to change the life of a 12 year old I know... forever. 

Watch out Mexico... here she comes!

berry picking and the beach

We traveled through the beautiful country today on the way to the berry farm. Olivia shared her dream of being on “America’s Got Talent”. She is going to sing a Hannah Montana song while hula hooping or she might do her Fred impersonation. I’m sure either will be great.

As we passed all of the farms and horse pastures I got a little giddy thinking about having our very own house on a beautiful piece of land. I told Stephen we should have a horse barn with a pony pasture. We could charge people to board horses and even have one of our very own. I told Stephen since he keeps fussing about my desire to have a motorcycle I would just have a horse instead. It’s kind of the same thing… besides all little girls dream of having a horse. I took a vote & I was right. Each of the girls agreed that a horse would be great. Stephen, being his analytical self, tried to reason that we don’t know how to care for horses. Surely we could figure it out with a few Google searches... I told him.

 It’s going to take me some time to talk him into this one. A few things we’ll have for sure though… a mega veggie garden, a few chocolate labs, a chicken coop & maybe even a billy goat.

It’s going to be good.    

Berry picking was lots of fun. Ahem… I found the farm through a Google search.  Noticed it was in the town of Colonial Beach… so we decided to hit the beach too. Stephen had the day off. It was great. 

We ate a little picnic at the berry farm. There were a few groups there on daycare field trips. All of the kids were running around having a great time. I was checking out their labeled water bottled and matching day care shirts when it dawned on me how thankful I was to be sitting there with my family. I looked over at Reece who had blackberries smeared all over her face. I fed her a bite of her ice-cream & then glanced over at Olivia feeding Madison a big bite of her cone. I got a little teary eyed when I thought about how not too long ago I was working full time hours wishing I could be at home with my girls. I prayed many prayers asking God to make a way for that to happen. He is so faithful. 

We had so much fun.Best day ever.

Now I just need to figure out what the heck I am going to do with these 10 pounds of blackberries. 

I put all of our pics from today here. 

Cheesy Potato Recipe

Madison has been cooking simple things like eggs & grilled cheese for awhile.... but recently she has developed a desire to cook more & more. The other night she cooked pizza quesadillas. I never thought something so simple could be so scrumptious. I'm seeing some serious potential in her. Her dad is really passionate about cooking and now that I have the time I've thrown down in the kitchen a time or two. I told her I want her to cook dinner from now on at least once a week. This week she got one of her recipes out of a book called The Children's step-by-step Cook Book ( I would recommend it to all young chefs!) 

She made her shopping list last night & we did our weekly grocery shopping today. 

Tonight she made parmesan chicken (her own recipe) and cheesy potatoes. She also made homemade cookies. (both from the book) 

Madison was in the kitchen cooking, Olivia & Reece were napping and I was outside working in my garden. I think I could get used to this. 

Cheese and  Potato Bake: 

(taken from Children's step-by-step  Cook Book) 

-1 cup grated sharp cheddar (she had to have white sharp) 

-1 egg

-salt & pepper

-2/3 cup heavy cream 

-1 1/2 pounds potatoes 

-1 large onion (she left this out) 

1) preheat oven to 350. Peel & slice potatoes. Put them in a bowl of water. 

2) Slice onion. Melt butter in the saucepan over low heat & cook the onion until soft. 

3) Grate cheese. Butter baking dish & spread a layer of sliced potatoes on the bottom. Spoon some onions on top. 

4) Add salt & pepper and sprinkle w/ cheese. Continue layering potatoes, onions, and cheese, finishing w/ potatoes. 

5) Beat the eggs into the cream with a fork. Pour it over the potatoes and sprinkle the rest of the cheese on top. 

6) Bake the potatoes for about 1 1/2 hours. 

These were so yummy! Try 'em out. 

world records & new structure

(yard sale @ mom's) 

Saturday's yard sale was awesome. Maddy made $400! I'm so grateful for friends who donated things & especially grateful for my mom, dad & brother... they put in a lot of work. My aunt came in to help too.
It was the hottest day known to man kind... but it was good. 

Madison leaves a week from this Saturday. 

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Olivia is trying to break the world's longest gum chewing record. She has been going at it since yesterday afternoon. After she tried to stick it behind her ear at bed time I had to make a "no gum IN the bed" rule. I guess that's why she thought it was ok to put gum ON her bed... not IN it. She thought the head board was a nice resting place last night for her wad. Madison tried to convince her that this goal was not possible because surely the record has to be longer than a few months and once school starts back she won't be allowed to chew gum during school hours. I encouraged her to follow her dreams... and she is determined. Same piece, going strong... except for this morning when she dropped it in the floor and asked for another piece. I slipped her another one & told her that we'll just let that one slide. 

(olivia- a self portrait) 

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Our family went to a going away dinner at our friends house Saturday. One of our favorite families is moving away next week. Very sad, but God has given them instructions to start a church across the country... so they are. I'm excited for them, just sad because I will miss them. At the dinner I got the opportunity to have an awesome... (answer to my prayers)... conversation with 3 friends. 1 who has a very successful college student, 1 who is an elementary school teacher, and another who is having some of the same mom struggles that I am. We picked their brains a bit & out of that conversation our new "family schedule" was birthed. 

(super-nanny style) 

We had a family meeting on Sunday, established some rules & presented a new schedule. Today is Day 1 & it went so awesome. Some of the things that my friends brought to my attention is how important structure is for kids (& mom's) and also how important rewards are instead of just punishments. When I got home, before our family meeting, I searched a bit online & found this star rewards system. I tweaked it a bit & made is a sticker system instead. Obviously with the age difference the rewards are pretty different... They are both happy about it though. The schedule was met with a little frustration & concerns, but today has been great. 

I'm so happy to have awesome women in my life who I can learn from. That Saturday night conversation was really good & much needed. 

I'm sure I'll be blogging about our progress soon... I'm really excited about this. Today flowed so great.

The day started with a kiss on the cheek from my honey as he let me know that he thinks I get prettier & prettier everyday... how could it not be a good day? I just love that guy. 

pool time & diet time

Pool time today was fun. My girlfriend came over with her daughters. I hadn't seen her in awhile.

She asked me what I've been up to. "busy as usual?"

"Nope not at all really"... that was nice. 

And I haven't been. We've been fundraising a bunch. We had a huge rummage sale @ the church & the group made over $3,000. Had a couple babysitting nights & a spaghetti dinner... which made me want to work in a restaurant again. I loved being a waitress.

Maddy has been handing out sponsor letters. Her dad got her a fundraising night at Chick-fil-a... best darn chicken around! She made about $120 with that. 2 yard sales= a seriously purged & organized house. I'm loving that!

Well, maybe I have been a little busy... but it hasn't been that crazy. It feels good to be on break from school.

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Went to church tonight with all 4 kiddos... Olivia is having a sleepover, which explains the 4th child.

I was looking pretty cute in my new denim .50 cent yard sale dress steal. until....

someone asked if I was pregnant.

awesome.

I simply love it when that happens, don't you?

Dang... must.eat.less.food.

doing it, more babies, missions & bark piles... and some other stuff too.

I realized that I haven't felt much like blogging lately unless my heart has been heavy... which explains the last few posts. I should lighten things up a bit with a little conversation that I had with Olivia the other day. It went something like this:

olivia: mommy, why do you & daddy always do "it"?

me: (as I try to gain composure & not let her see the panic in my eyes) what do you mean by "it"?

olivia: you know what I mean mommy...

me: no honey I really don't think I do, please explain.

olivia: ok... I'll spell it.

me: ok dear, please do spell "it"

olivia: K-I-S-S-I-N-G

me: (thank you sweet Lord!) Oh, that! Of course... mommy knows what "it" is! It's because me & daddy love each other. That's why we do "it"... you know kiss & all. 

olivia: ewwww

whew!

(Olivia graduating Kindergarten!) 

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To top things off... this morning Stephen & I were cuddling & doing "it" (kissing, of course) When Olivia busts in... 

Gee Whiz... it's too early for you to be up... go back to bed dear child... is what I was thinking, but didn't have time to say because she tattles...

"mommy & daddy, Reece peed a lot in her diaper & then she sat on my head 

& now I have pee on my head." 

classic. 

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Happy summer! I couldn't be more excited about this summer. No work, no school (just a little studying for the nursing entrance exam.) just me & the kiddos having a good time! 

This is the life. I love being a mom so much. I think if I didn't have 3 more years of school in front of me I'd be ready to have another one.

We'll wait... for now. 

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Maddy got her passport in the mail yesterday!!! She will be headed to Mexico on her very first mission trip in less then a month! 

She is really excited. We have one last fundraiser for her this weekend.

 Our 2nd yard sale. good times. 

I'm leaving for El Salvador about a week after she gets back. Just got an email saying we are going to visit some orphanages, women's prison & feeding centers. I'm excited! 

Two life changing trips, I'm sure of it. 

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Got some changes coming in our lives soon. If you know me or have read my blog for a bit you know how I struggle with decisions. 

I'm praying and seeking God... He'll lead me the right way. He always does.

I some times wish that He would just reveal the entire picture all at once... He's smart like that & doesn't. Step by step... it's what the faith walk is all about. I trust you Lord. Take my hand daddy & lead me... I know you won't fail me.... 

More to come on that in due time. 

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Got any fun summer plans? 

(Olivia & I make bark piles while we wait for Madison to ride roller coasters...

it doesn't take much folks.) 

my daddy

You would think at age 29 I would be well over the fact that I hadn't seen my real father since I was 13. He has health issues among a slew of other reasons that sent him catapulting out of my life at a young vulnerable age of 13. I know he didn't realize exactly what he was doing when he walked out of my life.  In my mind he couldn't help his decision to be absent. He was in & out of illness & had his own life to deal with... much less his son & daughter.

I remember when I was 16 years old... I found out I was pregnant. My step-dad stood at the entrance of my upstairs bedroom. I was sitting on my bed & I had called them both up to reveal the news. "Mom, Mike.. I'm pregnant." I waited, in anticipation. How will they take it? Will they be mad? Will they be disappointed? My step dad, in silence. Slowly made his way across my bedroom... he bent down & gave me a hug. a hug like I had never experienced before from him, to my rememberance. A hug of acceptance. A hug to tell me everything was going to be OK. I needed that hug. Moms can give a hug.. but in that moment the hug from dad was what made it all better.

I have recently been in touch with my real father. I found out he has a little girl who was born on my birthday. She will be 9 years old this year. I have received snail mail letters from my dad. He has recently gotten the internet & obtained an email address.... yahoo. I have Yahoo too & the little side bar tells me when  he is online. we have chatted online a few times. I am so proud that he has actually figured out how to chat online. This is all brand new to him. I joked him... "now all you need is a facebook"

"what's that? will it let me chat more with you? "

"kind of. it's a place where you can put pictures & tell people about yourself.. and chat with people too"

"how do I get one?"

"facebook.com... just enter your new email address & follow the instructions."

I didn't think he was serious... but he now has a facebook. He wanted a way to keep in touch with me better. That felt good.

I miss my dad.  I talk to him every now and then & I get a letter & an email every now & then. I still cry each time. I'm not sure why really. I'm not sure if it's because I'm grieving his absence? I'm not sure if it's because I feel so sorry for my little sister,who is now having to deal with some of the uncertainties that I'm too familiar with (she doesn't live with him).... I know the pain that comes with that & I want  to rescue her, but I don't even know her. My dad makes up part of who I am... I think I am simply grieving the lost years. It's been nearly 17 years.... over 1/2 my life.

I thought I was ok... and I am. But every little girl needs her daddy. When I talk to him  I catch glimpses of myself. Part of me is missing. Part of me has been away for way too long.

I want to see my dad.

We are making plans to visit this summer. My kids have only recently discovered that mom's real dad isn't Poppaw. Mike-is my dad... but now so is my real one. It's time to reconnect. This does not mean that Mike is any less my father. It just means that I am reconnecting to another man who is a part of who I am too.

I'm excited about this.

(dad's Facebook profile pic) :) 

The great news is that I've got a flawless Heavenly Father. A Daddy in Heaven who is, has been & always will be there when I need Him for anything... always... & forever... no matter what. That makes me extremely happy & grateful.

stop growing, would ya?

I've never been a full time mom. Of course I'm always a mom... but that role has always been shared with other titles & responsibilities.  I was a senior in high school when I gave birth to my first born.  After graduation I immediately enrolled in community college.  I worked as a waitress while I went to school.  College didn't work out. After two years of general studies and no idea of what I wanted to do with my life I realized I was wasting my time.  So I got a job at the best gig in town. A major credit card company. I was a bill collector.   Money was great... much better than the weekend tips I was receiving before.  After some time I got overly zealous about a network marketing job & quit the good gig to make hundreds of thousands of dollars every year selling legal insurance plans... so I thought anyway.   No over night millionaire here.  I did love the feel of the heels, suits & sales pitches though. It was empowering. I had a huge desire to be a powerful business woman. a fast talking, multi-tasking, order giving, business lady.. in heels, of course.  Independent sales ended up not working out quite like I envisioned.  It wasn't long until I was able to get a job at my church. I was grateful for that. I had many roles there until I went on to work another sales job. Then I worked yet another sales job. The "business world" glitz and glamour had worn completely off by that point.  Yuck. I hate sales.  Now, nursing school.   I also help Stephen with the young adults ministry. I love it. It's a rewarding role & one that I know God has given us grace for. I love me some YAMers. It's always good times in the making, for sure.  It's fulfilling & I love the relationships we are building.  I don't consider it a "job", but it is work and a lot of responsibility.   You know what I've never had though... I've never had the role of just "mom". I wonder what that feels like.  I wonder what it feels like to just be a mom. That "just" is a good "just". I know being a mom is never "just" being a mom. Being a mom is such a multi-faceted job in itself.  I do wonder what it's like to wear only the mommy/ home-maker hat though.  No morning rush hour traffic, no submission deadlines, no pressure to read 5 chapters before the big exam on Friday, no event advertising, no note-card studying, no event planning meetings.  None of that. Just me, being a mom...  I am certainly not complaining. I'm just wondering...

I know I am where God has me for now. 

The point of all of this is only to say that I've just been thinking a lot lately about how fast the girls are growing. I hate the thought that they are only little for such a small amount of time. I am starting to "hear" & take notice when people tell me... "take advantage of it when they are young, because they grow up so fast". And boy, do they! 

It makes me sad some days. Today is one of those days. 

praying for mom

mom is really funny when she's in the hospital on those heavy hospital meds. She says funny things. We sit together in her hospital bed, hold hands & laugh at each other. She was admitted on Wednesday due to abdomen pain. This is the second time in the past couple of months, but she has had the pain now for several months.

We are praying for answers. The docs don't seem to know what is going on. The Lord does though & I know everything is going to be fine. I'm frustrated at the lack of concern & consideration from the docs though. So quick to prescribe a med then to get to the bottom of the problem. Mom is eager to get to the root of the problem... not just cover up the symptoms.

Mom's hospital roommate had a breast removed due to cancer. I didn't realize they still did that. She opted the removal over chemo. Madison was completely fascinated with this & asked the male nurse if the doctors were sure they had removed all of the cancer & if she would be able to get an implant replacement. Mom & I just looked at each other with wide eyes. She's been asking "whys" & "how comes" ever since she was teeny tiny. Once when she was 5 she was staring out the car window up at the sky & asked me "mama, how does the world work". She's always wondering.

Olivia doesn't like seeing mom in the hospital. It worries her. I ensured them both today that she was going to be ok.

Please say a prayer for mom. We just need to know what is causing the pain.

a little love for my neglected blog

I miss blogging.

Life is so busy.

I have found time for my new obsession hobby. I have a nice little garden going. I'm determined to not be my typical plant killing self. So far I've killed 2 batches of seedlings a 2 huge clumps of cilantro mom dug up for me out of her garden.. Oh, & some pretty tulips I bought at Lowe's. Note to self... fertilizer burns new baby seeds & so does scorching hot sunlight. They say 3rd times a charm. We shall see.

3 weeks & I have no school for 3 whole months. How exciting.

This semester is going well. Way more intense than last semester though. I'm pretty sure my Ethics professor is a crazed maniac with way too much time on his hands. That's been a little weird. There is hope though...the weight of constantly feeling like I need to be studying is almost over for a brief bit. That will be refreshing.

I also get to fly to Florida at the beginning of May, directly after my finals to see my bud Drea graduate from nursing school. That will be an inspirational & a joyous occasion. Can't wait to see my friend. I miss her like crazy.

Also traveling to El Salvador this summer. Madison is going to Mexico. 2 mission trips to pay for...

I forgot to mention... I'm also knee deep in fundraising.

Life is good though.

In other random news. I've been in touch with my real father. I may be able to see him this summer. Haven't seen him since I was 13.

Oh, and I'm considering dreadlocks for myself. Crazy huh?

My neglected blog will get much more love soon as can be.

I miss you blog buds!

Happy Belated Resurrection Sunday (8 years since I made Jesus my Lord... best decision ever!)